Most of us don’t like uncertainty. We like to know where we stand, what we have to deal with.
Well, I am having to learn how to live with uncertainty in a new way. My latest scan result was clear – hurrah! – but then the doctor reminded me that as it has already spread once it is still likely to start popping up in other places down the line – groan! – but then again it might not – hurrah!
So I feel like I am living with a time bomb inside me which I don’t know when it will go off and it may not go off at all!
So lots of uncertainty about the future. But in truth, although the uncertainty I face is more exaggerated by the cancer, the fact is that all of us live with uncertainty; none of us knows what the future holds for us.
The doctor told me to try not to think about it and get on with my life. I think that is sound advice for me and for all of us. There really is no point in worrying about things. Jesus said: “Do not worry … can any of you add a single hour to your life?” Good point. Worrying just doesn’t achieve anything and can spoil the enjoyment of the present, but it does mean accepting that uncertainty is part of life.
Now I have always been a worrier, but strange to say I now feel more peaceful about things. I think that my brush with cancer has made me accept that uncertainty about the future is part of the deal. I can’t change it so I am embracing the uncertainty in a new way. This is of course made easier by my faith in God. As the old saying goes: we don’t know what the future holds, but we do know the One who holds the future.
Mark Wickenden, Minister